Wake Up In Crying Again In Many Billion Times

"Bunda ..." Khansa caressed my face. It was time for her to take nap before lunch. I was with her on bed until she fall asleep. 

"Khansa, why not sleep yet ? another story again ?" I asked her. Her face said no. She knew i was crying and still crying in writing this post.

I held her fingers, soft but mean to tight. "Don't ever leave me Khansa. Bunda did many things for you. Bunda did many sacrifices things to be still with you" I know she didn't understand. I cried in her hug, i cried on her back. Until she fall asleep by herself. Maybe my crying voice as like as a song for her. 

Forgive your mother Khansa. You seen Bunda in many tears. 

Khansa, Bunda has DDimer which can cause me in very bad condition. Bunda so afraid cant see you in future.You are the only who always safe me. Whenever i try to end this life, your face always appear seems like alarm telling me that you need me most. 

I love you, Khansa. When you was born, Bunda was in very long sleep. When others mother can hold their baby, Bunda still cant see you in few days. Bunda cant wake up, bunda cant move. In day two with all strength i have i walked to baby room, walking while other mothers maybe need wheelchair but Bunda not. It just need 15 minutes to reach your room but seems aslike a year for Bunda. I touched you face, Bunda cried so much. Because i already a mother. Bunda survived for 9 months having you inside, even got heparyn injection twice a day on arms and thighs but Bunda never give up. Every pain which Bunda has every bruise which Bunda has for 9 months are worth when see your face. The first breast feeding Bunda surely failed. But Bunda never give up and Bunda did it. Kissed you softly, whispered to you that Bunda will come in next few hours. Walked to alley again, to my bed, remembered how bleeding Bunda was that time because forcing to walk. But i just say "Is fine, i will try again to more careful in walking next few hours".

Bunda loves you Khansa.